Your vs. You're

The inability to differentiate between your and you're is probably one of my biggest pet peeves. While I'm not a strict prescriptionist - I think language does change over time and we have to be aware of this - using your for you're (or you're for your) is one grammar mistake that I cannot condone. I have heard the argument that as long as you understand what the other person is trying to convey, then it does not matter how that person chose to express their point.

However, I recently came across a very poignant example of why you should never mix up your and you're. As you may recall, we language nerds had a blog called The Grammar Vandal as one of our blogs of the week. Well, the Grammar Vandal published a post called, "She got what she deserved." This is only a part of what she wrote (please visit her site for the full post, and a chance to vote on whether this person really got what she deserved):

This is my new favorite entry on my new favorite Web site, fmylife.com:

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, “Your nuts!” She meant, “YOU’RE nuts.” I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

Okay. We know this guy isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Anyone knows you don’t send naked pictures to someone you barely know. And I’m going to assume that these two people are over the age of 18, because if not, that’s a different issue altogether. Assuming they both are above the age of consent,

That girl got exactly what she deserved.

She mixed up “your” and “you’re” and thus was blinded with an image of the least attractive part of the male anatomy, an image that will likely stick in her mind for quite a long time.

The vast majority of the time, using "your" when you mean "you're" probably won't produce a result such as the above example. But I think it offers a quality reason why you should practice proper grammar - if you're not careful about what you say, it could take on an entirely new and unintended meaning.

Does the mistake of using "your" for "you're" bother you? Also: what do you think has contributed to using your (possessive) for you're (contraction of you are)?

Buffalo buffalo

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

The above is a true sentence. Created in 1972 by William J. Rapaport, it is an example of how homonyms and homophones can be used to create complicated sentences.

I came across this special sentence while browsing the internet with my twin sister a couple years ago. Since then, it has always captivated me.

So, what does this sentence mean? Can you figure it out?

Click here for the answer.

For all you Spanish speakers out there, here is a similar sentence:

¿Cómo como? Como como como.

There are more interesting sentences in many different languages at the above source.

Enjoy!

"Them ones wasn't what I was looking for"

That quote or the title or this post was overheard in Macy's from a lady shopping for jeans. She was explaining loudly to a third party on her cell phone that the jeans she recently bought weren't exactly what she wanted.

What she said instead was "Them ones wasn't what I was looking for." Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay... There are so many things wrong with that sentence. Where to begin?

1. Them ones. Them ones??? Really people??? Where do grammar mistakes like this begin? Are parents not reading to their children anymore? "Them" should never be uttered next to "ones".

Try using: "these" if the items are close to you or "those" if the items are farther away.

2. Them ones wasn't. Even my dictionary on the computer goes crazy with the squiggly red line when I type that. Why? You guessed it. Subject/verb agreement! Ones=Plural. However wasn't= singular. It never, ever sounds good to mix singular with plural in the same sentence. I don't care what the rap stars say. They are in the boardrooms for a reason!

Try using: "Weren't". In other words, use the plural form of the verb.

I never saw a mistake like with my students but it was a common error among my small town high school classmates. To me, it sounds worse than nails on a chalkboard and is just as offensive as if someone lit up a cigarette and blew it into my face.

And remember, subject/verb agreement is your friend!

Shitty Habit #1: Of vs. Have

Once upon a time in a small village called Grammarville, there lived two families. The Of family and the Have family. The Of family had three sons. Could, Should and Would. These three brothers were the bullies of the village, picking on any unfortunate soul. Their favorite victims however, were the Have brothers.

There were three brothers in the Have family also. Their names were Might, Ought to, and Must. They had been very sad ever since the Of brothers began picking on them two years ago.

One day while in English class, the Of boys were stricken down with a terrible case of the Grammar Plague. The Grammar Plague is a peculiar disease indeed! It strikes only those who have horrible grammar skills. And, boy, did those Of brothers have horrible grammar skills! Just by writing their full names they violated the Holy Book of Grammar!

The Have brothers felt no sympathy towards the Of brothers. Laughing, the Have brothers celebrated the Of brothers' misfortune. Everyone knew the Grammar Plague caused death in 100% of its victims.

The poor Of brothers died soon after contracting the Grammar Plague. They were sent to grammar Heck where they are currently changing their last names. The Have brothers story remains much happier. After the Of brothers died, the Have brother were no longer oppressed and could finally be known as the “Proper Grammar Boys.” They lived happily ever after.

The moral of this story is to use "have" after could, should, would, might, ought to and must in order to avoid Grammar Heck.