Let me first preface this post by saying that the only reason I call this a debate is because I had Kyle tell me this is just a "female thing" and that there is no difference between the two phrases. Obviously, I disagree. And to date, everyone I have asked seems to agree with me. So while I will be asking for completely honest opinions, you may find this to be a poorly disguised attempt to garner support for my position. Your assumption would be correct, but I ask you to please play along and humor me.
Ayn Rand is one of my favorite authors/philosophers. While some of her ideas seem bizarre, I have also found a lot of comfort and self-esteem in some of her [more realistic] ideas regarding the self. One such idea that Rand wrote about goes as follows: "To say 'I love you' one must first be able to say the 'I.'" This concept, I think, is similar to proverb/quote: "You must love yourself before you love another." I actually find this to be very true. I was always very cordial with myself before I met Kyle, but I do not think that I would have said that I loved myself. After two and a half years of dating Kyle, I have begun to get along with myself much more - I love myself and my life more than I ever did before. And I also find that the more I love myself, the more I love Kyle as well - even when he gives me responses such as the one in my first paragraph (in retrospect, his response gave me a good thing to blog about, so haha on you, Kyle). When it comes to loving another person, the "I" is very important. I mean, if a person were to omit the "I" in "I love you," it would leave the question: who loves you? The answer: I do! Unless of course, the answer is "They love you" in which case it might behoove one to specify who is doing the loving as to avoid confusion or opportunity for misinterpretation. Trust me. There are those of us out there who enjoy purposely misinterpreting things if the mood so strikes.
I had a high school creative writing teacher who said that love is a word with no love in it. Saying that I love potatoes has a different meaning than saying that I love Kyle, and yet I used the same word for both. Saying "Love you" has less meaning and emphasis than saying "I love you." I am more likely to say, "Love you" to friends in a somewhat off-handed fashion. "Oh by the way, love you, bye!" On the other hand, "I love you" denotes a higher degree of seriousness, and is therefore often more difficult to say.
Now it's your turn. Do you, my dear readers, think that there is a difference between saying "I love you" and "Love you" ?
Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis
21 comments:
We're a shortcut generation - we say (type) "rofl" instead of "that was so funny that I'm rolling on the floor laughing!" Or we say "ttyl" instead of typing out the painstakingly long "I'll talk to you later." The same message is conveyed if we say (type) the shortcut or the long version, so what's the point in saying (typing) the long version in casual conversation?
To me, the same thing applies with the "love you" vs. "I love you" argument - they convey the same message, just one is easier because it's one less syllable.
Love you!
1. Not everyone uses all shortcuts. I type out "Talk to you later!" rather than ttyl.
2. If you really want to get into shortcuts, there is a shortcut for "I love you" already: "ily." Why say anything if you can just say three letters?
3. The point of saying or typing the long version in casual conversation is that you say what you mean. If you truly mean it, take the time and effort to say it the right way.
4. If you use "ily" on me, I will smack you.
5. I love you. =P
I think you are right. If someone says just "love ya" it takes the ownership out of it and makes it much more casual.
I should do a post about querer and amar in Spanish sometime.
Sara, you should do that. I think my Spanish profesor touched on the two briefly, but I've forgotten what he said now. I think our word choice definitely affects the meaning of what we say.
I agree, there is a difference between the "I love you" and "love ya. With the "I", it's much stronger and for me much more geared towards the romantic partner in your life. "Lova ya!" is for great friends, saying "I love you" to your best buddy is not a daily thing, more of a "we've had a few drinks and bared our souls and omg I have to tell you how strongly I feel about our friendship" kind of thing. Saying "I love you" to my best friend makes me feel all funny inside, like I've got a crush (which occasionally is true if I am being honest). :)
I touched on the "te quiero" vs. "te amo" thing in a blog post a while back, you can read it here if you care to....http://www.cancuncanuck.com/2008/11/our-spanglish-love.html
It makes me INSANE to hear Hubby tell a female friend "te quiero" and then turn around and say the same to me in intimate moments. I know it's cultural, it's been explained to me a million times that it's ok, but for me, it's just NOT. Intimate, romantic love is a whole lot different than friend love, at least it should be with female friends and co-workers. How can I feel special when the same words are used with everyone? (Ok, revealing too many insecurities here? I need a secret blog, haha.)
@CancunCanuck - Thank you for the link to your blog post! If Sara does write a post about querer and amar, we'll have to post a link to you. And, it's interesting that you mention that it's a cultural thing - Kyle grew up with two older brothers (no strong female influence), and in some ways, this has a huge affect how he relates to me. I would also consider this a "cultural" thing, though on a much smaller scale than in a bilingual/bicultural relationship.
I believe you are right. Saying I love you, is much more sincere then saying love ya. And not everyone in this generation uses short cuts. I also believe you do have to love yourself to honestly say to someone else I love you. I think you brought up a very good point in this blog.
I have a friend who writes LU in place of love you or LU2 when I say it to him.
Personally, “I love you” just has so much more… passion than “Love you”. I feel if you say “love you” then you are just replying to make the person happy, or you are saying it to a friend. The “I” in “I love you” means everything. Shortcuts are okay, just not in something so serious.
I think the tone of voice and nature of the delivery matters a lot. To throw out a "Love you" as a friend or relation drives away form your house (and you instantly walk by in the door) and nothing at all like saying, "I love you" in a tender fashion to someone you truly love.
My last 2 serious Girlfriends would omit "I" from "I love you". They both ended the relationship. I will never date someone with this habit again. It doesn't seem like a big deal but it really is. "I love you" without "I" just leaves love and you. I may or may not be involved. It removes responcibility from the one saying it. It could be symptomatic of a person not being in love. There are always exceptions. People can include the I and lie. I'm never taking a chance again. It's a total deal breaker for me.
I agree. Omitting the "I" really seems to profoundly affect me. When I tell someone "I love you" I mean it, when the response is "love you too" it makes me feel I'm not a priority and it hurts.
I agree. leaving the "I" out seems less genuine. when I'm telling my partner "I love you" and he replies "love you", I feel crap. That is to me like saying "love ya",the same as I would say to my friends. When "I love you" is said, it should feel special. "love you" doesn't feel special coming from the one you are in love with.
There is a difference. Does it mean our partner does not love us? Does it mean our partner is not in love with us?
I totally agree...I say I love you, but I don't think he's ever said I love you, only love you. I've never had this with someone before, and I feel it's far less genuine. I also feel like it's coming to an end...so I'll remember the lack of saying I in the next relationship! !!
What about the difference between "Thank you" Vs "I Thank you"? If you are to argue that leaving the "I" out seems less genuine. Then when saying "Thank you" to anyone in any respect would also be less genuine based on your definition and hence any time you have said "thank you" to anyone in any capacity it would make you out to be less genuine and hence make you a less genuine person over all would it not? So for the sake of consistency would it not be the same when someone says "Thank you" Vs "I thank you" or "love you" Vs I love you".
Please explain
I Thank you...
These words have different meanings. There are three things in this world that people have difficulties saying and that is, I love you, Thank you, and I'm sorry. It is hard to express our true feelings, show gratification, and admit we have faults to another person face to face, whether we are male or female. You will find that by taking out the I in I love you it no longer is personal
I feel the same way.
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